Second star to the left…

…and straight on to the accountancy class.

If yet more evidence were ever needed that the 650 or so inhabitants of ‘Westminster Village’ have lost touch with the real world, an article in today’s Observer notes the view of the Associate Parliamentary Skills Group and National Skills Forum that:

Primary school children should receive careers advice and be encouraged to question their dreams of becoming pop stars and fairy princesses…”

‘Careers advice should be given to every child of primary-school age,’ according to Barry Sheerman, Labour MP for Huddersfield and former lecturer in American Studies at the University of Wales, Swansea, before adding that:

‘For too many children, a future as a fairy princess or pop star is the only dream they have, and it doesn’t occur to them to aspire to go to university, be a doctor or a scientist.

It would, of course, have to be done in a delicate way.

We are not suggesting sitting a five-year-old child down with a list of firm options but you need to inspire the imagination of the children to see where their potential could lead them.’

In other words, it’s ok for young kids to have an imagination but only so far it extends to matters which the political elite think will be useful to the economy in future, so I guess we can expect a new generation of reading books to be added to the national curriculum including:

Topsy and Tim study accountancy.

The [Schroedinger’s] Cat in the Hat’s Big Book of Nuclear Physics

“Oh do go on, he dared, he dared.
Please tell us why E = mc squared
For surely then we’ll see, we’ll see
Heisenberg’s principle of uncertainty”

And of course, we can exclusively reveal that the title of JK Rowlings seventh and final book about life at Hogwarts School of Wizardry is to be called ‘Harry Potter and the Management Consultant” in which Harry, Ron and Hermione’s battle with the evil Lord Voldemort reaches a conclusion in a race against time to get their plans for Hogwarts to become a City Academy to the Ministry of Magic in time to stop ‘he who cannot be named’ turning the school into a comprehensive.

It’s worth noting that this not merely another bizarre excursion into managerialism from New Labour but comes from a cross-party group which includes Lib Dem, Simon Hughes, who believes:

‘…children should be given mentors before they leave primary school to start talking to them about career options.

They would be able to enthuse the child, then continue mentoring throughout secondary school with a view specifically towards careers advice.’

Nothing, then, from Simon on rooting out the most pernicious of all childish fantasies, the belief that an invisible and onmipotent supreme being runs the universe which is taught, by law, to all children from the age of five.

What else can one do in the circumstance by paraphrase the words of Roger Waters:

“Hey, dickheads, leave the kids alone!”

  • Careers advice at primary school? Why not pre-school – get them early and crush any fantasy out of them. After all Britain need lots more accountants and lawyers.

    Mind you, I love the idea of ‘The [Schroedinger’s] Cat in the Hat’s Big Book of Nuclear Physics’…

    …But in the box he chose to linger
    Mouthing curses at Schrodinger
    Waiting for the Geiger’s chatter
    Waiting for the phial to shatter
    Waits till he can’t wait no more
    (For waiting’s such a dreadful Bohr)

    Until at last the lid is pried –
    Open and someone looks inside.
    Relief! Survival! Best of men! –
    But Erwin clamps it shut again.

    And so the cat just lay there thinking
    Tail just twitching, eyes unblinking,
    “Werner says you can’t be knowing
    Where I’m at AND how fast I’m going.

    But I exactly know my speed
    (Well, zero isn’t hard to read)
    And that implies,” so thought the cat,
    “Momentum’s nada – which means that

    My position can’t be guessed –
    There, I knew you’d be impressed –
    So I don’t need to mess with locks –
    It’s time to think outside the box.”

    Well others here will understand
    The consequences, though unplanned,
    Of mixing up – that cunning devil! –
    The micro with the macro level.

    An hour passed. Erwin came back
    And opened up the box a crack,
    Then wider still and stood to stare –
    The box was now completely bare!

    And as he stuck his head inside
    He caught a whiff of cyanide
    And dropped down dead (they say it hurts –
    I say it was his just deserts).