Where’s the Beef?

I must congratulate Mr Eugenides on penning this moving eulogy for Shambo:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy T-bone,
Silence the tambourines and with muffled drums
Bring out the burger buns, let the ketchup come.

Let cattle trucks circle moaning round the barn
Scribbling in the dirt the message, Shambo Is Dead,
Put mournful garlands round the white necks of the temple monks,
Let the government veterinarians wear black rubber gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My midweek sandwich and my Sunday lunch,
My stir-fry, my fillet, my stock, my chop;
I thought that leftovers would last for ever: I was wrong.

The barbeques are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the mustard and dismantle the grill;
Pour away the gravy and sweep up the wood.
For no meal now will ever be as good.

I understand that Mr E has been contacted by a major Hollywood film studio and invited to write the script for a film version of the story of Shambo’s tragic demise under the working title of ‘Four Barbecues and a Carvery”

  • My dog Jim found a very substantial beef bone under a railway arch (where our local destitute ex-millionaire has been camping – I kid you not) tonight. Was Shambo shipped North? Dogs with bones DO NOT bark. Please tell Mr Eugenides.

  • [guilty snorkling]

  • epsilon


    Your dog Jim knows Owen Oyston? Or is that the Maxwell brothers?

  • ouch. You labelled that response Humour. It is nearly as bad as my attempts.

  • hurry up and post another article please

  • epsilon

    Hardworking Man and Part-Time Informative and Entertaining Blogger on August Holiday Shocker?

  • Owen McManus

    I wouldn’t be so sure. Unity is probably tied up in the basement of the BNP HQ after that cheeky wee number about the “Purity Ring’s and A Sexual Nazi’s For God”.

  • Dear Minister,
    It’s off topic, but do you have an email address, I can contact you on.
    many thanks,
    Neil Clark

  • Dear Minister,
    It’s off topic, but do you have an email address I can contact you on?
    Many thanks,
    Neil Clark

  • Cass

    Can I make one request? Just that when you come back, you don’t spend all your time doing an expose on foot and mouth.


  • epsilon

    Unity goes on holiday and the press is full of a story about a bull being slaughtered.

    In a new political year, Unity will come back from holiday and the press is full of stories about…oh….

    PS If you must mention foot and mouth, I’m already bagging the right to call the sinister sounding South African [and cue Spitting Image..] owner of the private Merial research lab , ‘Captain Trips’. Just a thought.