Hugo and fuck yourself, matey

What’s in a name, do you think?

Take, for example, the name ‘Hugo’ – what kind of image does that convey?

I suppose if you’re of a literary bent you might think of the great French author, Victor Hugo, while Sci-Fi fans will think of the Hugo Awards and Hugo Gernsback…

…but popular culture being what it is, I suspect most people (at least those without a close friend/relative named Hugo) will automatically hear the name Hugo and form a mental picture of the half-witted chinless twat in the Vicar of Dibley…

And then there’s Hugo Swire MP, the Shadow Minister for Culture, Media and Sport, otherwise known as the half-witted chinless twat in the House of Commons and never more so than when coming up with suggestions such as this one:

Internet service providers should offer a two-tier system, with users able to pick content suitable for adults or children, a Tory MP has said.

Hugo Swire said the “default” setting would be for children, with a password or PIN needed for unfiltered material.

A Whitehall department should create a blacklist of unsuitable sites, he said.

What a whole new Whitehall department just to nanny us internet users?

I’m flattered, Hugo -although you might be a tad pissed off to discover that most of the decent ‘Ministry of Truth’ domains are already taken.

Mr Swire called for a UK regulatory body for websites, which he dubbed the “internet standards authority”, which would create the database of blacklisted sites and update this hourly.

Which I’m sure everyone out here will agree to at just about the same time that you agree to file all you expenses claims on an hourly-updated public website

This could work “along the lines of the Advertising Standards Authority or the Press Complaints Commission”, and would be responsible for policing “harmful content” online.

You know, I’m begining to wonder whether Hugo’s got an ulterior motive or two here.

Let’s face it, with Derek Conway’s kids having had the public teat ripped out of their over-privileged mouths, MPs are going to find it difficult to come with another cushy way of buncing their kids through university and what could by a cushier than a stint on the public payroll spending all day on Google looking up porn and fuck knows what else so they can decide whether we can view it or not through their government-run fucking firewall.

Been on any visits to China lately, have you Hugo?

What a complete and utter cunt!

Among the sites coming into this category would be “glorification of violence and terrorism, pornography, cyber-bullying, suicide, internet gambling and anorexia websites”, Mr Swire added.

If anyone does know a good suicide website, can you drop the URL in comments so I can forward it to Hugo – he could obviously do with it.

  • I /am/ amused by MPs who clearly don’t have the first fucking clue how the internet works making pronouncements on it, though.

  • redpesto

    To paraphrase Douglas Adams: ‘The Internet is big. Really big. People have no idea how mind-bogglingly, staggeringly big it is…” …and the Tories complain about New Labour’s database state.

    Ye gods: Hugo Swire v Andy Burnham. What have the arts done to desrive this?

  • Newmania

    Hugo Swire has considerably more qualification to be a culture minister than Andy Fikko Burnham and whilst this was a bit silly I can`t see why you are as upset as you seem to be.

    ( You Fuckwit tedious arse faced cunting cure for in-fucking-somnia ) ?

    or something ….

  • I’m always committing blog suicide.

  • E

    I am not an internet expert so don’t shoot me down in flames either, but could the Government assemble a team of crack hackers (excuse the term) to search out these undesirable sites hack into them and make them crash. If hackers can get into the No 10 web page and substitute Tony’s face for his spitting image double I am sure they could bugger up the odd internet child porn site. Or even better could they infect these sites with a virus so that if any one logs on their computer crashes while simultaneously alerting the police?